Monday, 20 October 2014

My soul hurts

I sat trying to write positively about myself for a job application form I had putting off for a few days. My soul hurts and I couldn't find the words. 

My husband asked me if I was excited about my upcoming trip with no kids. I tried to talk positively but my soul hurts. 

A friend asked me how my day went and I avoided the topic gracefully. My soul hurts and I couldn't answer without breaking down. 

Acquaintances ask me how I am doing. I try to respond fine as this is the customarily polite response. But my soul hurts the best I can say is that I am trying not to complain. 

I try to enjoy the precious moments I have with my beautiful kids. But my soul hurts and all I feel is guilt for failing them and not being a better mum. 

When my soul hurts and I find it difficult to breath I take comfort in my faith. I have to confess that this is the hardest it's ever been to take comfort in faith but nevertheless I know God loves me and so I turned to my bibke. 

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:34 NLT)

When my soul hurts maybe the best I can do is stay in the moment. Not worry about tomorrow but look at those things I have right now and thank him for his kindness. 

My soul might hurt right now. But Gods heart is broken for us when we live so far from him in this sin filled world. 

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