My soul hurts

I sat trying to write positively about myself for a job application form I had putting off for a few days. My soul hurts and I couldn't find the words. 

My husband asked me if I was excited about my upcoming trip with no kids. I tried to talk positively but my soul hurts. 

A friend asked me how my day went and I avoided the topic gracefully. My soul hurts and I couldn't answer without breaking down. 

Acquaintances ask me how I am doing. I try to respond fine as this is the customarily polite response. But my soul hurts the best I can say is that I am trying not to complain. 

I try to enjoy the precious moments I have with my beautiful kids. But my soul hurts and all I feel is guilt for failing them and not being a better mum. 

When my soul hurts and I find it difficult to breath I take comfort in my faith. I have to confess that this is the hardest it's ever been to take comfort in faith but nevertheless I know God loves me and so I turned to my bibke. 

“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:34 NLT)

When my soul hurts maybe the best I can do is stay in the moment. Not worry about tomorrow but look at those things I have right now and thank him for his kindness. 

My soul might hurt right now. But Gods heart is broken for us when we live so far from him in this sin filled world. 

Creativity sets you free

I am a firm believer that creativity sets you free. In my understanding of Genesis 1-3 we are told that a creative loving God made us in His image. I think we were created to be creative and living beings. It is when embrace that creativity and loving nature that we find real joy. 

I had the privilege to sit on a panel with a colleague that teaches compassion. What struck me as we spoke was that if we are to experience real compassion, joy, love opening ourselves creatively allows us to reach that like no other way can. Creativity sets you free. 

In recent years I have taken up and old favourite colouring. So admist learning to knit, sew, bead and other things I have gone back to colouring because creativity sets you free. Let me tell you three stories to help illustrate. 

I once was in a desperate place and needed outside help to find a solution. I had a good friend who recommended a counsellor to me. In those sessions I would draw and colour because the type of personality i have (a little bit in control) could only process this with the help of art. Creativity sets you free. 

In recent years life has been more than a little frustrating so I have taken up colouring. Cannot ever say I was good at drawing but an eye for colour that is something I definitely have. But I was told that colouring stifles creativity in children. So I was somewhat put out by this and stood against it. Turns out that psychologists suggest colouring because of its creative nature among other things. (Frustratingly I have an article that discusses this point but my phone is stopping my creativity!) 

Recently I have been on a show and my fellow guest is a lecturer in conpassion. If you think you know. You have no idea. Anyway one of the things that I really took away from that conversation is that when God speaks of peace that passes all understanding and real unspeakable joy. We know these things when we mirror the God whose image we were created in. One of the main characteristics is that of love and creativity. When we awaken our love and creativity we become free in a way that even we cannot understand.  We did joy and peace in a way that does not make sense to others. Creativity sets you free. 

I guess what I am using myself to do more than anything is to get in touch with my creativity and loving nature so that I can share that peace and joy with others. Creativity sets you free. 

God bless 

There is power in words

So the weather has changed here in the UK. It's back to something we all recognise, grey, rainy and cold.  We had it good for a while. Summer started back in April/May and come October we were still wearing summer dresses.  But the weather man warned us it wouldn't last always. We knew the rain was coming it was only a matter of time. But here we are being rained on 24 hours a day and guess what our memories of summer grow dimmer with every rain drop. 

Words have power. I have to be honest and say currently happy is not the way I would describe my current emotional being. But words have power. So one day as the rain drove me into the ground, someone asked me how I was doing. Words have power. I said am choosing not to moan. They nodded and smiled and jumped in their car. As I walked in the rain with the kids they began to feel desperate. Words have power. Come on it's fun lets jump over puddles. Words have power. 

On one journey home the rain was so bad I just wanted to give up. So I held each of my children's hands and we sang at the top of our voices every song we could think of till we reached home. We smiled and laughed. Words have power. 

On arriving for a small job in a place I didn't want to be when I was asked how am I doing? My response was to say excited. I got home early that day and enjoyed spending time with my child doing their scrapbook. Words have power. 

To be honest it feels like some days it's not going to work but I choose to say it louder, sing it more convincingly and say it others more. So that the power my words have will be used to lift me not drag me down. Words have power. 

And just in case they don't I can always wear ears. 

Dungaree dress

Since I was a child I have loved dungarees! The ultimate dungaree for me as an adult is the dungaree dress. Mostly because I don't want to take off my clothes to go toilet! But do you know it's difficult to find the ultimate dungaree dress. They are mostly too short! When they are right I am on a budget and cannot afford the three figures they come in. So I had a thought. You remember my denim skirt? 

Could I do this with a denim dungarees? The answer is yes! 

This is a most satisfying moment. My dungaree or pinafore dress. Love it. Not to be complacent I thought better make it in another shade! 

I am still wearing my summer dresses but cannot wait to upload pictures of me in my wonderful creations. Happy day. 

Making a skirt

I have grand ideas in my head that I am the best dressmaker! In truth I struggle in my relationship with my sewing machine and the ideas stay in my head. But I have recently discovered a love of Pinterest. The idea of learning through pictures. I love it. 

I do realise that I am a little behind and everyone else is using YouTube or some other video watching app but I am using Pinterest in a really weird way to make skirts. Particularly my passion is denim. 

As a child my mum told me that denim is for work men not for young ladies. So as an adult my pursuit of wearing awesome denim is quite something. I have discovered you can make your own denim skirts! I love denim skirts. 

You take a pair of denim shorts. 

You add a skirt you love but that is ill fitting. This particular one I try to wear once a year and fail because each wearing makes me feel like a beached whale. 

You make a few cuts and spend some time sewing them together and voila you have a fun and flirty denim skirt. My favourite kind. Considering I have spent some money on these skirts in past I am well please with the outcome. 

I wore the skirt with a sweater and was so pleased when someone said they loved my skirt! Happy days. I love it and that's all that counts. Plus it's in the purple range! 

Kids and the great day off

So you have a day off with the kids. Options. 

Clean and tidy. 

Go out. 

Stay in and entertain. 

In our case it rained on our day off. Not just a light drizzle but absolutely poured down. Normally weather won't stop us but after a super active few weeks a day inside seemed like a good idea. What happened. 

Free play. 

Is there anything better than watching your children's imagination run wild and fill your home with fanciful stories of triumph. 

Chocolate play. 

We finally did it, we created chocolate. 

We made box loads of beatiful chocolate shapes. Really easy to do with a mix of dark and milk chocolate is what we used and some fancy moulds. Yummy stuff. 

Cake baking. 

In my home this is always a highlight. I have to say I used many shortcuts this time but nevertheless the children loved the experience of making their own cakes. 

Weaving 

This was the surprise activity. I thought there might be love with this one and there was but it turns out they wanted to make baskets! At least they liked their woven animals and surprisingly they were simple to make. 

Yes we did all this in one day as well as jumping around, watching a movie and of course eating a meal. To be honest it was a great day. It's days like this that make it all worthwhile. Days when all the skills and creativity are being pushed and it works. Not every craft day is so successfully packed with so much. However this worked. 

Can each of these activities be turned into bible lessons? You bet! The baking was the most obvious because the children took them to church and shared them in them at pot luck punch. 

Te chocolate is being shared with daddy and there is some discussion about what bible story can go with making things. 

As to the weaving well the basket that Moses was in. The animals themselves tell a story. Fish play a central role in story telling in the bible.  

Whatever you decide to do enjoy the process. Don't be precise they are children and most of all try and laugh because either way you are building a memory to last them a life time. 

Celebration is Important

In the bible one of things that make me happy is celebration. Whenever something happens to a Israel and they overcome then there is a do this in remember statement. This turns into a yearly celebration. I think that the idea of celebration as a discipline is so important. 

If you have the opportunity take a friend out to celebrate their birthday and indulge in your passion. A treat a moment to thank God for another moment of character growth. 

This was our moment. Celebrating a God blessed friendship! Thank you awesome God for awesome friend.